Apologies if my previous entry about IPTS/IPTA tak tepat. I'm not saying that IPTS ni tak strict langsung, but comparatively based on my own experience, dari UIA ke LKW ke KLIUC, I can see the difference, how things are done. Dan juga dari pengalaman ayah yang mengajar dia serata IPTA dan IPTS, pon kata IPTS ni rules dia tak sebegitu ketat berbanding dengan IPTA.
But, come to think of it. Rasanya bukan bergantung pada tempat belajar, tetapi budi bicara lecturer itu sendiri. And this is why, sangat sangat penting, bila ada masalah dengan studies, assignment, tak paham ke apa, terus jumpa lecturer. I think this is why I was 'saved' last semester for my Critical Reading Skills, despite not attending the finals and submitting assignments. Sebab, Anna jumpa, confront terus dengan lecturer to, and told him the problems I've been facing.
I've mentioned this before in my other entries. Masalah yang Anna hadapi ni, agak serius. Masa Anna form 5 di MRSM Muar, I was extremely stressed, and I nak sangat sengaja jatuh sakit so I can go home and take a break. What did I do? Telan lebih dari 10 biji panadol sekaligus. Tak lama lepas tu, terus I start muntah-muntah. And I wouldn't stop puking. Akhirnya, dapat cuti seminggu, terus masuk hospital.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE: Thanks to the comment by 'Young fan' in this entry "Be careful of what you type, you are giving ideas to your young fans who are trying to find ways to skip school that are hazardous to their health"
DO NOT, DO NOT AT ALL ATTEMPT WHAT I DID. Swallowing down that much Panadol COULD HAVE GOTTEN MYSELF KILLED. I was stupid. VERY STUPID. I am lucky to come out alive. I was in the hospital for a whole week. Which totally messed up my appetite for a long while before I got back to normal. I'm sharing my story not to give ideas, but just to share my history which I regret doing. Skipping school is bad enough, hurting yourself is not the solution. It only makes things worse. I assume my readers are smart enough not to be misguided by my bad choices in life.
Okay moving on. Then, in UIA, main campus. Satu sem tu rasa terlalu stressed, dah nak final exams ni, dah ni.. I just couldn't handle it, jumpa counselor, doctor, dan dapat letter of excuse, dan sem tu tak dikira. I got the excuse atas sebab Insomnia.
Then when UIA didn't work out. Di Lim Kok Wing. Same problem. Stressed, couldn't do a thing. Jumpa psychologist, was diagnosed with something called Psychomotor Retardation. Dan dapat juga break dari semester tu. I took a very long break, and that's when I decided to open up the studio.
But then, that didn't work out too. Duit keluar banyak, tapi tak dapat untung. My fault, sebab I couldn't do work on time, similar problem dengan studies. Dengan kerja clients yang tertangguh. Dan masih ada yang tertangguh. I was supposed to work with Ho Yuhang to do his Rain Dog promotional material, also patut buat poster movie yang tak jadi buat tu Dukun. And the latest dengan Kabir Bhatia, di mana I terus give up buat poster Nur Kasih walhal 80% dah complete.
In the end, I decided to close down the studio, and try my best to complete my studies. Sekarang ni, I cuba bayangkan all that problems I've been having, is just in my mind, and I can fight it. I must fight it, I must be strong. Because this is my life, and for my family, for my son.
And not long ago, I found out a very very very surprising news. Something if any one else of you found out bila dah besar panjang ni, akan rasa sangat terkejut, and only thought it happens in the movies. And it happened to me. But it's very personal, so this one I shall keep it discreet.
So I am trying to be strong, tapi terlalu mudah jatuh, like last semester. But I didn't want history to repeat itself, jadi I terus confront lecturer, told them all my problems. And that is why I despite not submitting assignments and not attending the final for that one paper, the lecturer dengan budi bicaranya understands what I've been going through, and is giving me a chance. Dan sebab tu dapat status 'INCOMPLETE' instead of 'F'. Tinggal nak jumpa dia ni to ask what needs to be done to complete the course and get a grade.
Haih, I dah serik. I don't want my 'problems' to become an excuse to get free tickets. I really want to fight this and get through this, and the only way is to get rid of my problems is to act, to believe and to actually be strong. Perlu lebih mendekatkan diri pada Tuhan. Dan bukan melayan hasutan anasir hitam dalam diri.
{ANNA}
