Demons.

The toughest battle in life is a battle to fight the demons within myself. These demons have been with me for years and years. I am weak. I have fallen. I have failed time and again. I get up, trying to fight back, trying to survive, then out of nowhere the demons attack me, and I fall down again. I almost feel that I'm losing this battle, I feel too weak to get back up. I tremble as I try to pick myself up from the ground..

Dear readers, if you have been following my tweets,  you'd prolly read about my situation right now with my studies. Not good. My past problems, where I'm struck numb when doing assignments is back. Totally frozen. Even the simplest task of summarizing a text I find it extremely difficult to do. So, my assignments kept piling up, way pass it's due date. And till today, the final day before the finals, I still have yet to submit them. I've only managed to write one paragraph of one of the assignments. I have 9 to complete.

Luck is somewhat on my side though, I've contacted some of the lecturers, and they've given me the chance to submit it next week. Now all I have to do is do. But to do is what I have been not been able to do. This is my third uni/college, thinking that it would be different this time. But I was wrong, it's the same ol same ol. 

I even have thought of just quitting. Be a full time mom. But, education is important. Knowledge is power. I'm not studying again just for the degree. I want the knowledge. I want to be certified that I have such knowledge, so, if needed, I am qualified to get a good job, have a decent pay, to pitch in and support my family. Of course, traditionally, the husband should be the one out there working to get money for the family, and the wife/mother should stay at home and take care of the kids.

But, in this world today, it's quite impossible to support a living relying just on one source of income. Things are just ridiculously expensive. And, God forbid, that if something happens, I have a something to fall back to and to support myself. Again, there are many many ways to gain income. But with a that scroll of paper it just might help make things a little bit easier later in life. 

I want this so bad. Even if I have to crawl on my knees. I will stab the demons right in the heart. I shall fight this till the end. And win this battle. It shall be a victorious one.

{ANNA}