I don't know what it is. Sekejap rasa okay, sekejap rasa down. Biasalah tu kan? But seriously I'm sick of it, and tired of it. It's the same old thing over and over repeating it self. I'm beginning to think that no matter how many chances I am given or I give myself, I am unable to change, I am unable to improve myself. Bertakung je longkang, nyamuk pon membiak, and it's sucking all my blood out dry, and I'm dehydrated and tired and I'm feeling sick inside.One would think, being an 'adult' you'd outgrow this kind of feeling and emotion, something what teenagers would feel, all the hormones raging, and just starting to have a taste of life. I really don't know what it is, what's wrong with me. I can't even do the simplest of tasks. As easy as answering the phone, replying an sms, paying the bills, pon tak boleh. I'm so stressed out. Trying my best to complete my client's photos. But the more I want to do it, and get it done, the more it stresses me out, padehal benda yang sangatlah simple.
I really don't understand what's wrong with me. I have sought professional help once, but that was to get a leave from studies because I was really stressed at that time. Perhaps I have to again, or maybe to the extent pergi berubat. Hmm. This is really affecting my life. I want to be a good wife, a good mother, a good somebody. I keep on saying I want to change, I try, but I have trouble being consistent, when I'm on the right track, sekejap je tergelincir balik, back to my same old bad attitude. This is so tiring.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
{ANNA}
